A glimpse of a dark memory …….I had long forgotten, having not been in this vicinity for 30 years. But as I was approaching I thought to myself how could I have ever forgotten this place now seeing what stood tall in front of me. The wall, marking the Western boundary of this guarded place, held many lost souls within it. I was suddenly experiencing flash backs – it was a haunting moment with a glimpse into dark memories that had stayed buried deep in my mind.

So, you may be asking the question, where am I?

Well, it was somewhat of a wrong turn, but undeniably it was there in front of me, the now closed mental institution where I was once a patient – admitted 30 years earlier. At the time I was a young girl in a condition that desperately needing clinical treatment – a decision that ultimately saved my life. The boundary wall, crowned by coils of razor wire, was not unlike a prison wall surrounding the grounds. My husband said “Wow! look at that… that’s one major wall with a clear message that says no escape!” It was a wall that was efficiently designed to keep unwell patients from escaping. Driving alongside the tall clay wall that surrounded the institution was very emotional for me – I was now on the outside and free to live my own life, a stark difference when compared to the views I had of the inside of these same walls 30 years earlier. My mind flashed back to:

• The padded cell I was put into and slept in.
• The patients who were zombie like and nonresponsive
• My recollection of how I could not escape the endless, darkened wait to freedom.
• Months of my life I had lost ………..a glimpse of hell I guess you could say!

But soon after revisiting this place I could see it differently.

• I was feeling glad to have moved on so far in my life.
• I had allowed myself to be distanced from the clouded memories of disturbing times and the pain and sorrow I endured.
• Whilst unpleasant at the time, I don’t believe that I would have survived to tell this tale had I not been treated and cared for. I did lose 4 months of my memory due to the severity of my illness and the medication I was administered. I will never recover those months of my life but in a strange, unexpected way, I have gained so much more appreciation of the life I now have than I would have had I not suffered through this ordeal.

However, we did not stop to reminisce. We drove away! I turned in my seat and looked straight ahead – the way it has been for me for many years now. Tears began to well up in my eyes; tears of relief; memories of wow; how lucky to get through……….”how did I get through?” But mostly all I could think of was how blessed I am to have my health and the simple things in life that we should all enjoy. For the next ten minutes while driving through the city I was looking at my husband, the trees in winter, the gardens and buildings, all with great appreciation of what life has to offer. I am making up for my past struggles and I live with a strong sense of gratitude for the life I have…………..and my favourite serenity prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”